Over nine years ago, I began writing a blog. In all honesty, I didn’t even consider blogging as an option for myself. I wrestled with promptings by the Holy Spirit, questioning, what did I have to say that mattered? Why would anyone want to read what I wrote, I wondered. Was there anything inside me I had to say worth reading? God said yes. He affirmed it so often that He made me listen. God wanted me to begin writing and the most humorous thing about it–I despised computers.
Long before that day arrived, a few things happened, preparing me to obey His call. In 2004, I was still a full-time pastor’s wife and God impressed upon me to reach out to other home schooling mothers. I was lonely, and He knew it. I was at my wits end and He saw it. So, after much prayer, I began to watch Him affirm His will more than once through different people and in different ways. I obeyed, not knowing who would come to my home the first Thursday evening we met for fellowship, encouragement, and prayer. In addition, within the same season, God also grew the urgency for my husband and I to begin foster-to-adopt training classes. We wanted to adopt for so long. Then, as if those things weren’t enough, we also accepted leadership roles in a new church plant for our main church campus in Indiana. By the time the new campus officially launched, we had added two toddling foster sons to our family of seven, and a thriving home school group with as many as thirty mom’s in attendance to our monthly meetings. On occasion, my family also allowed me to begin the first book God had burdened me to write. Chapter by chapter, weekend after weekend, and a few writers’ conferences later, I recognized God’s calling into the next phase of obedience–blogging. I however, didn’t want to go there. (Read my first blog here from 2010.)
In this intense season, God taught me to pay attention to Him in even more ways. Illness kept me in my bed at times, our calendar filled with ongoing foster care requirements, we managed our unique church responsibilities, I mothered and home educated five out of seven children, encouraged home schooling mothers, and clung to my relationship with God. He taught me to listen and heed His voice. He taught me to hear Him even as I struggled with panic attacks. Sometimes He’d make me wait days for an answer to prayer, testing me to see if I’d write a devotional for our home school moms solely from my own perspective. As I resisted the temptation to do so, He began to root out my panic, and transform my thinking from self reliant to reliance more on Him. I learned God alone supplied the words for the moms. I was simply the vessel. Sometimes I would even hear myself apologize after sharing the mom’s devotional message for the evening. I remember one mom saying, “Kelly, stop apologizing!” My insecurity was obvious. I had a lot to learn about trusting the Holy Spirit more in that leadership role and surrendering my will as I lead the group for seven years.
With all that said, today, I know an additional thing for certain. I know I’m writing because God wants me to. I’m writing, blogging, V-logging, Instagramming, Facebooking, and learning day by day not because I’m seeking a career or attention, but because the burden on my life to encourage and offer hope in Christ remains so strong and so great. On an Instagram blog introduction video you may catch me with make-up on or off. You may even see me hesitate with my words. I’m not perfect but God has called me to faithfulness in following Him anyway. He’s also called me to faith in ministry, faith in motherhood, faith in home schooling, faith in adoption and special needs parenting, faith in marriage, and faith in writing. I make no apologies. I’m sorry if what I do makes you feel uncomfortable. Some may question, some may misunderstand, some may judge, some may critique, some may doubt, and some may feel great irritation or insecurity by the life race I’m running. I’m sorry but by now, I’m beyond worrying about what people think. I cannot and will not get distracted by mentality like this any longer. I have so many personal burdens to exchange with my Lord every day that I just don’t have the time or strength to adopt someone else’s disapproval and worry. My single prayer today, that one day they’ll understand God’s loving grace more. My greatest hope remains for my family and closest friends to care the most about my writing, but even then they don’t always “like” my posts or read them. So, what’s a woman of faith to do when you press on with a burden from God? Well, you allow God to sharpen your sword–you remain in the word, you pray like crazy, keep walking in belief and hope, and surround yourself with those you love. As a blogger, you listen for God’s leading and you write, even if what you’ve poured hours of volunteer time into over the last nine years falls upon silence. You remember and reflect on those who walked in faith before you. You reread Biblical accounts about those who pressed on. You dab at your eyes, take the deepest of breaths, and obey God anyway. Then, you hope His people will understand what God’s trying to do through you.
I’m believing God, my Father, has His reasons and purpose behind every written word I write and rewrite. Also, I believe the lengthy editing process testifies to my humbled and painful awareness of my need for His continued help. He’s trained me for this. My personal slush pile grows larger every time I sit down to peck at the computer keys. The prayer is always, less of me, more of Him. So, to my family, my friends, and those of you I haven’t met, if you are willing, press on with me. Scroll down this page and sign up for this blog, follow me on Splashing In Grace on Facebook and Instagram. Please, if God leads, share my blogs or posts in faith with your circle of friends. In reality and most importantly, God wants to encourage both you and I, through the words, the stories, and the testimonies. I’m grateful you’re here with me now. I’m also grateful for your comments. Please know, I’m moving forward as a writer, blogger, author, and speaker. I pray you’ll join in the fun and splash in God’s grace with me all along the way. 🙂 I hope you’ll respond today and return the love poured out for you…we’re in this together!
With Love Always, Kelly