Oh how I cherished the moments we had with our grandbabies this past weekend! There’s just nothing more beautiful than attaching to them with every snuggle, every kiss, and every delightful interaction. The eye contact, a warm embrace, a smile, a word, a response, a tear, some comfort, and lots of time–are all ways God allows us to attach from the time we are born. All of us, before we could speak, were placed in our mother’s arms naked and vulnerable. Some of us were placed in other caring arms but all were sent into this world by God, chosen, knit together, and known long before we entered it.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
This week, as I delve into the topic of attachments to better my own relationships and discover the unique needs of our adopted children. Through God’s grace, I’m realizing the unveiling of something far greater and farther reaching. Maybe it will help us all in some way. How and who we attached to in our earliest years, paint the background of our personal stories. In them, we discover if we felt loved, wanted, well cared for, safe, and assured. In those moments and days, we began to understand where we fit in our families securely. After at least twenty-five and a half years of parenting, I’m continuing to discover new reasons and methods of attaching to our children. I am reading a book called Attachments–Why You Love, Feel, and Act The Way You Do, by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy. What a game changer! It seems the more securely we attached or failed to attach to our mothers and our fathers, the more we may or may not struggle in securely attaching to God and those He has placed in our lives. It explains a lot. For most, if not all of us, we didn’t have perfection. Now, trusting others, feeling safe, and even believing God truly and completely loved us long before we were born may reflect that internal struggle. We may not want to know. The pain may feel too great. It may reveal why we experience instability, insecurity, and inconsistency within our relationships now. It may also reveal why our kids are having difficulty in their own relationships.
God knows. Some situations are simply overwhelming quite honestly. If you’re ready to push through with me today–I know something will encourage you right where you are. Please allow me to state this directly, only God holds the ability to conquer all that overwhelms you and overcomes you in your relationships, especially what you can’t place into words. God help us, we are beautiful messes and we do need help through it.
We are all, every single one of us, searching for attachment, approval, dying for connection and reconnection. We see it everywhere we look and every time we climb onto our social media platforms. We see it in our homes, our marriages, in how our kids react to us or don’t, our workplaces, and in our friendships. It seems we are dying for connection however we can get our hands on it–even if its fake or it kills existing relationships. Sometimes we may even self-sabotage our relationships before they get too close. It doesn’t make sense, does it? It’s heartbreaking.
With all our unique beginnings–I believe the answers are still worth discovering because how we attach to others still matters, how we attach within the Church still matters, and ultimately how we attach with God through Christ Jesus still matters. Are we secure, avoidant, inconsistent, or detached in our relationships? If we want to grow and help our kids as well, looking at ourselves honestly, fully, humbly, and prayerfully will help. I believe it’s worth our effort. I believe it matters to God. In fact, I know it does.
God shows us examples of attachment in Biblical accounts, like God and Adam, Abraham and Isaac, Jonathan and David, Mary and her trust in God, Jesus and His disciples, and then through Christ’s death for all of us–He’s all about attachment and reconciliation. Let’s always remember God loves us, more than any loving and attached parent ever could. He has always held the most loving plans for us. In spite of our parents’ own attachment capability, their choices, and our own circumstances at birth, the question for us today begs–will we trust God anyway? Only Him? Solely Him? Will we choose to accept His gracious love and His command for us to love others even if we feel like we are dying inside? I’ve watched our newest children struggle between fear and trust when they open themselves up to others. Because of their memories, it may feel like they are going to die if they do or if it isn’t well received. What if I also said, I’ve watched them push past the fear and grow in their trust within a safe environment? As believers, what a great testimony this is! Through this example of dying to ourselves, we can experience the re-creation and transformation of Christ within us–even if we are afraid. True life, true love, true healing, true attachment to both God and others remains more than possible. We may need to sacrifice anything that stands in the way but with His help we can. By God’s grace, may God redeem the time we’ve lost within our relationships and His will be done both in us and through us.
“…let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:22-25