Trust is a funny thing isn’t it? It can seem so simple and yet so difficult depending upon the situation. In my world, I often trust my car has gas in it when I hop in to run errands. Also, I often trust the charge for my phone will last a full day and it’s still where I left it moments earlier. You and I may trust our kids to obey, our spouses and family to love, friends to care, an employer to pay, or a church family to extend grace. Sometimes though, we are left speechless when trust shatters to pieces.
About a month ago, I trusted our six year old had overcome his impulsive desires after a month of peace, joy, and calm in our home–it didn’t last. Twice within a weeks span, I felt jarred awake by the alarming news of maple syrup poured over our guest bed, carpeting, nightstand, dresser, pictures, and one surprised and sticky eight year old son. It appeared Timothy’s pain and grief had won out and he took action. Every drizzle showed us that he caved to triggers and feelings of loss–forgetting what we had practiced to calm him. He forgot to come to us with his emotions and here we were–back to hidden nibbled food stored underneath a bed, and a very large mess. Was I wrong to hope? Was I wrong to trust the prayers for my son were being answered?
It’s alright, don’t feel bad for chuckling or shaking your head–I hope one day in hindsight, I will too. In the meantime, as I consider where we’ve come from on our post adoption journey, let me assure you, this sticky situation hasn’t erased my trust in what God continues to do in our son and in us. Dare I say, in those moments, I even felt hope like I hadn’t before. I realized after I oversaw the cleanup–I felt grateful. There were only a few nibbles out of the cheese before it was placed under the bed for safekeeping–verses the whole block eaten. His actions were less intensified and less destructive than a year ago. I saw anxiety levels dialed down both in my husband and myself. I believed deep in my heart, maybe, we’d grown ourselves.
While we cannot trust our six or even eight year olds yet, we continue learning how to trust each other more in parenting. We also trust the therapy process more, trust the wisdom of the Bible, and trust that God knew what He was doing when he chose us to become Timothy and Joshua’s parents. You see, our sons aren’t the only ones that are growing in trust. I’ve learned some hard lessons in this season and there’s one lesson I didn’t want to believe or accept. I’ve learned that not only will both big and little people I once trusted lose it at some point, I may lose theirs too, and I’m learning what trusting God in the midst of all the crazy looks like. Only He can put it all back together better than before.
Maybe we can all learn from Timothy somehow. Do we want to gain more awareness of where and why we struggle in trusting God and others? Do we believe God is real and ready to act on our behalf in the midst of difficult circumstances or pain of the past? Let’s go to God and ask Him for wisdom on why we are in distress and not trusting those He’s placed in our lives. May we gain courage and allow God to drive out any fear, panic, doubt, anxiety, worry, or lie from our hearts. Whether we are striving to trust or become trustworthy ourselves–may the Lord give us courage to trust Him first, stand up, and take the next step of faith towards true and permanent healing. He will do this.
“May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now this I know: The Lord gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.
Lord, give victory to the king! Answer us when we call!”