Have you ever asked yourself, “What if…?” Me too- and the amazing thing is that God knows that our inmost being still festers with questions over some of the past decisions we’ve made. Tonight, there’s a scar on the top of my wrist and it’s a daily reminder to me that God wants my freedom from that deceiving question…
While reaching into the oven, I rotated the pan of chicken just before my wrist sizzled against the upper heating element. I leapt backward and glared at the melted skin. I didn’t realize how tan I was until that bottom white layer was exposed. There was no blistering, just an ugly elongated burn mark on my wrist. I treated that sensitive area with peroxide, ointment, and Band Aides but it remained sore and nothing til this day has been able to hide it.
My son called that burn disgusting with a grin on his face and a giggle in his voice all while I pretended to touch him with it. I’d been tempted to pick at that raised itchy scab and rush the healing process. It was in the quiet moments though, that I knew my heart was just as exposed and raw before God. I knew he wanted to heal my mind like that burn and not do the same rush job I was planning.
I’ve caught myself asking so many of those famous what if questions over the last twenty-four years and if your like me, maybe you’ve done the same. “What if ______ hadn’t happened? What if I would have married that person, what if I would have gotten that degree, or taken that job? What if I had chosen to move and not stay– or stay and not move? What if…?” I think my asking similar questions to these have actually had the reverse effect though, never creating peace in my heart. Instead, I’ve been left with things like– discontentment, self-doubt, worry, regret, and grief.
Maybe the better question is rather– “What now?”
Well, let’s stop picking at those mental scabs and let’s ask God to heal them completely. For– “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
Then when that day comes, let’s let the scars remind us to boldly testify to his love, mercy, and grace!